Your Purpose is Not Finding a Spouse

Your life purpose is not getting married. Your purpose is not found solely in a singular relationship.

Your purpose may absolutely involve loving deeply - including loving a romantic partner, creating a family, parenting, and building a life with others.

There is a difference in finding great purpose in loving others and choosing to commit to that love, and seeing partnership as the main (and perhaps only) goal.

The difference lies in how you honor yourself in the relationship.

If your sole purpose or goal is to find a long-term partnership, you are significantly more likely to abandon yourself along the way. You are likely to put yourself in positions, whether subtle or egregiously noticeable, that sacrifice your values, your sparkle, how you like to spend your time, your curiosity, your spirituality, or how you want to experience your life. In contrast, if romantic partnership is a part of how you would like to experience life and share love, and you find purpose in that, you are a lot more likely to stay in right relationship with yourself in the process. You center yourself in your life and honor yourself. You do not sacrifice or abandon yourself for partnership. You are not quiet or suffocating your soul‘s greatest wishes.

Of course, they can be compromise and sacrifice. Many great relationships include some level of sacrifice, but there isn’t a bifurcation of yourself. Even in the sacrifice, you are bringing yourself forward, understanding the exchange of what you are receiving in the sacrifice, and consciously choosing it.

The purpose of your life is to experience yourself in your life. Your purpose may include creating, serving others, loving through many types of relationships, exploring who you are, family, pursuing adventure, pursuing passions, leadership, impact, and artistry. If you make your purpose about another person, you may sacrifice all of these things to accomplish that purpose. On the other hand, if you make your purpose about exploring who you are and sharing your gifts with others, you make room for a beautiful partnership, but you keep the balance.

For those who are dating and feel hyper-focused on getting into a relationship, I encourage you to take a few months minimum to fully de-center the goal of getting into a relationship. Instead, focus on making your life as rich, beautiful, and authentic to yourself as possible. Bring forth as much artistry, inspiration, and beauty as you can. Notice how that shifts your hunger or desperation to enter into partnership now.

It’s beautiful and natural to yearn deeply to be in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that. The concern is when that yearning materializes as putting yourself aside to grasp for love. The only love to grasp for is the love within.